I remember the day we found out we were expecting twins like it was yesterday. We knew we were pregnant but still very nervous about our first sonogram appointment.

We had talked about the possibility of expecting twins and knew it was a very real outcome for us, as we used fertility to assist in getting pregnant, but until the very moment you hear “looks like there are two in here!”, then sh*t stuff gets REAL! 

Real excited, real scared, real HOT- and sweaty and why is my heart beating so fast?, Real white – “John, where did all the color in your face go?”, Real expensive – how much will twins cost?, and real giggly – I just couldn’t stop laughing!! TWINS!  We are having Twins!?!?
 

So if you find yourself in the same boat expecting twins, or know someone else who just learned their space is being doubly rocked, take a deep, deep, DEEP breath!  

After 2.5 years of living with twins, I can tell you, not only will you survive, but it is very possible to even Thrive with Twins!  With a little preplanning, you too will be TWININING:

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1. Find a Twin Community

When you first find out you are expecting twins, you feel very alone. Maybe you don’t know anyone with twins. Or maybe you do and they disappeared because they are busy with twins.

The good news is, there are a ton of resources and support, to rally, to teach, and to encourage you along the way:

• Twiniversity – This website is like the twin Bootcamp of blogs. It was my go-to twin resource and I even bought the Twiniversity book! The website and book list lots of gear, articles, how-tos, and recommendations.
• Lucie’s List – the blog is known as the survival guide for new moms and has a dedicated twin section. You can sign up to get the twin updates only.
• Twinmom – much like the previous websites mentioned, has lots of resources. But Twinmom also has a public FB group and provides hilarious twin themed memes!
• Facebook Twin Groups – these are normally private groups so you will need to find a twin mom out in the wild and ask her if she knows of a group to invite you to join. Not only do these groups provide support and encouragement, but many are connected to a dedicated twin swap/buy/sell site too. Don’t stop searching just at your local FB twin group, as there are FB Tandem babywearing groups or Twin breastfeeding groups too!
• Join a Multiples Group – here is the local KC chapter which hosts monthly meetings and consignment sales. They have chapters nationwide.
• Stalking strategy – I was the woman who would race down a mom with twins out in public (I still do!). Despite dear hubby’s many eye-rolls, I needed to meet and connect with these women! I found all of the women I approached, very sweet and generous with their time to help a fellow twin mama out. (Funny story, three women I met out and about – Jenni, Amy and Joy – ended up going to my church! So not only do I receive encouragement from the higher power on Sundays, but I also get a weekly dose of high fives from my Twin Mama tribe!)

2. Ask for Help

As a type-A, control freak who can do just about anything, asking for help was very difficult for me. I prefer to be the one doling out the help versus being on the receiving end.

Even with my expecting twin “diagnosis”, I felt I could over-prepare, out-organize or be more optimistic than other twin life sentences to come before me. All was going according to plan until about the 26th week of pregnancy when my doctor clipped my wings and grounded me to bed rest for my remaining pregnancy.

Fortunately, I was surrounded by an amazing group of neighbors who immediately pitched in. They made rounds with visits or food. One neighbor, Becky, elected to be my driver and drove me to bi-weekly doctor appointments while dear hubby worked. Our families came in for Thanksgiving and ordered me not to lift a finger – very difficult for me to just sit and not do anything while other women worked in my kitchen.

They say it takes a village to raise a child, but it also takes a village to mentor and bring up the mama. Ask for help! Your tribe wants to help!

Get a meal train set up for when the babies come. If someone says “I’m here to help”, pin them down and create a schedule of duties when the twins come. You won’t have much time in the early weeks to think of much else than feeding the twins. So hand out all the other jobs like dishes, laundry and food prep to someone else – who cares if they see your home in all its pet hair and dirty dish glory – because you will be too tired to care either!

Asking for help may come before the babies are born, in the hospital (lactation consultants and mother’s care nurses are angels sent from heaven), maybe the NICU, or when the twins are home, but it doesn’t stop at the newborn phase.

When Costco’s cashier asks, “do you need help out to your car”, the answer is yes! Or when you are in the airport and can’t juggle the bags, stroller and babies, boldly ask the nearest stranger “do you mind…?” Or maybe it’s a few years into toddlerhood and one twin has thrown themselves on the ground – if another mom steps in to distract, let them help!

3. Figure out the Logistics

This seems like a given to get organized before any new baby comes, but expecting twins there are some logistical challenges.

• Get them on the same schedule – this is the #1 piece of twin advice you will hear. I did this! I fed them at the same time, changed them at the same time and put them to sleep at the same time. What’s the issue? You will sabotage yourself at some point, normally at 2:30 am, when one baby wakes up while the other baby is still sleeping. All you want to do is feed, diaper and put the crying baby back to bed so you can close your eyes. You start thinking you can outwit the twins and get a few more minutes of rest. But trust me, the second you fall asleep, twin 2 wakes up anyways! UGH! So no matter how tired or how loud your little voice in your head is – wake the sleeping second baby to keep them on the same schedule!
• Pick a signature color – designate each twin to have their own color. This makes it easier to identify which is which. We didn’t go so far as putting one twin only in pink and the other teal, but when it comes to sippy cups or bowls, the blue stuff if always Brighton’s and Daisy has the green. It helps the twins pick out their own cups, or PJs when they get older and it helps your “assistants” know which stuff belongs to which twin without having to ask you. An instant organization without sharpies or labels that even 18-month-olds can understand.
• Assign seats – seems silly to say assign a seat to a newborn, but decide early on which kid goes where. We go alphabetical – Brighton is always on the left and Daisy is on the right – whether it’s in the crib, the car, the stroller or at the dinner table. While you are learning which twin is which, this helps you learn the twins. At night, in the dark, at the fourth-night feed, you won’t remember who is fed it’s helpful to know Baby “A” is always on the right. If you switch sides through the day, busy moms can get confused about which baby just pooped, even if they aren’t identical. It also helps you know from a distance or when your back turned – that cry is on the left so Baby B needs something.
• Dress them alike – DUH!! That’s the whole point of having twins, right? There is a very good reason to dress them alike other than the cuteness factor: You only have to pick one outfit! It’s too much work to pick two outfits. Yes, this does act like a “TWINS ARE HERE” billboard when you are out in public, but you really can’t avoid it. Having matching outfits helps to do laundry too. It’s like matching socks – find the matching outfits and fold them together. So when I pick an outfit and grab a shirt, the matching shirt is folded with it and I don’t have to go looking for it. Trust me, soon enough those little buggers will have a mind of their own and get a chance to voice their independence. (Note: as newborns, b/g twins can match with neutral colors and later you can get coordinating outfits too)
• Wear the babies – this could be a blog in itself, but the baby Bjorn isn’t just for singletons. Using a baby carrier or “wearing” twins is possible and helps free up two hands while still “holding” the babies. There are a ton of resources for the tandem babywearing and with practice it’s easy.
• Do Laundry Daily – Ok hear me out! This sounds like crazy talk! My MIL (love you Ann) does laundry every day, even at my house! It use to drive me crazy. Doesn’t it wastewater? And what does she do when laundry day comes around? Having a baby creates piles of laundry, having twins makes mountains. Forget making all the piles – whites, darks, delicates, towels, sheets, etc. One day I had 11 piles – laundry never got done! Get into the habit of doing two piles a day, a light and a dark pile. It’s easier to fold and put away – or just put back into rotation. Even better – ask someones else, “while you are here, can you throw a load in?” Turns out my MIL is a laundry genius!
• When one baby gets sick – have the sick child lick the healthy kid! Seriously! Don’t try to quarantine or prevent cross-contamination. Its a practice in futility and all you are doing is prolonging the inevitable – two sick kids. It’s much easier to get the sickness over with than prolong it by a couple of weeks.

4. Choose your Battles

This is a little lesson on letting go of control. I had big plans for a perfect pregnancy, natural childbirth, only organic food, and beautiful Montessori childhood. All those dreams went out the door when I found out I was expecting twins. Adding a second baby at the same time can create a few challenging issues.

I had a very conservative doctor and he and I were at odds from day one. He and I would go round and round on debating things like home births, less frequent checks and, medical intervention. (I think he got a kick out of my savvy debating skills) At the end of the day, I checked my non-existent Google Doctorate at the door and listened to my doctor’s wisdom to deliver healthy babies – via emergency C-Section.

Ok, fine I can still work on the organic crunchy child-rearing! Wrong, again! We got a six week NICU stay which meant I had very little say on how to raise tiny humans. (Dang this Google Doctorate degree really isn’t coming in handy!) In the NICU, you defer to the wonderful doctors and nurses for what’s best for your children.

And then you get home….and you now get to choose to make your daydreams a reality – all homemade baby food! One too many battles with the Cuisinart and filling little itty bitty ice cube trays and a destroyed kitchen sent me to the nearest baby food grocery aisle.

You need to be prepared for things to go off-script. But that’s okay! You have great instincts and will make the right decisions for your family as it comes up. Go easy on yourself! At least you made a plan, but now you get to revise the plan for the circumstance you face.

Pick something from your plan you feel strongly about and modify it for the current situation. For me, I really wanted to breastfeed. But to get the girls out of the NICU, they were learning to take full feeds by bottles at first. I put all my efforts into bottle feeding to graduate the girls from the NICU, and then we worked on breastfeeding at home.

In the end, I decided I wasn’t willing to compromise on two things: I wanted happy and healthy children. Fight for this outcome and let the punches roll on everything else.

5. Stop Comparing

I struggle with comparing. How do I stack up as a mom? Are my twins as cute as those twins? (Umm…Way cuter in my humble opinion) Are the twins developing ok?

Or maybe it’s comparing one twin to the other. “Why can’t you be as nice as your sister”. Or, twin A started walking weeks before twin B.

Or even the subtle side-eye given to the mom with a singleton – I don’t necessarily think she has it easier with one kid, but what the heck does she do with her free hand?

Just know you were specifically made and hand-picked to be a twin mom! You and your twins are the perfect team and made for each other. There is no other person on this earth created to parent your children.

Comparing can stress you out! Nothing sucks the joy out of life more than comparing and deciding you are inadequate.

The path you are on is your very own. Every parent or child relationship and milestones are different and make for a unique journey.

6. Expecting Twins Gear

The twin gear – there is a lot of it! Twice blessed, and twice the stuff! I will go into more detail in another post on the recommended twin gear. Some products rose to the top as a miracle worker to make expecting twin infants a little easier in life.

My most favorite twin gear I couldn’t live without:

7. Be Prepared for the Freak Show

“Are they twins?” “Are they natural?” “You got your hands full!” “I don’t know how you manage.”

Be prepared for lots and lots of questions and gawking. In this day and age, you wouldn’t think every time we set out to Costco we get greeted like the Circus just arrived, but the fact is twins attract a spectacle.

Twins do attract attention, so you need to prepare for it. Most people are very nice and just curious. You will get asked the same questions over and over again. Be prepared with a few responses to questions:

• “Are they identical?” – this is a doozie for the b/g twin mom -“umm, no as they have different parts”
• “Are they natural?” – this one is especially annoying and personal, but come up with something – “natural gift from God” or “naturally prayed for, medically curated”
• Are they twins?” – just start with the rapid-fire answers before they can ask the rest – “Yes, fraternal, 18 months old, their names are ….” Or go humorous, “wait, they were triplets but I must have left one at home!”
• “You got your hands full” – One outing, I heard this 9 times in a row – I counted. My response, “Full of blessings!”

Just remember, even stressed out, in a hurry and cornered at the Target check out line, to just smile with politeness when the stranger comes up to ask the twin questions. The gawkers have good intentions and your twins are truly making their day with a little bit of twin sunshine.

Then you can vent all the crazy questions in your FB community!

We are excited for you!

You are embarking on an exciting journey. Being a twin parent is awesome! You are blessed to raise two amazing little humans who will be the best of buddies. You will thrive with your twins and there are many BRIGHT DAIS AHEAD!

Meet the twins here, or read about our decision as a family to live in an RV, or how we house hunt for a new home.

We want to hear from you! What are your twin questions? Do you have any tips to share?